This group may be for you if:

Shared experience

You're well into adulthood, established in your work, family, home and community, and now questioning your sexual orientation or gender identity.
You thought you knew the direction your life was taking, and now you may suddenly be rethinking how your whole life fits together.

Coming out is a process

It may begin with naming it to yourself and working toward self-acceptance.
Then come choices about which people to tell, and when: a partner, children, parents, friends or coworkers.
Parts of your life may change over time, including your relationship, your home or your social circle.

Small communities and social networks

In a small community, people know you in various roles through work, clubs and teams, church or the kids' school.
Being seen can feel risky, and word can travel fast.
Finding queer connection close to home may be hard.

Connection and support

Speak openly in a confidential, affirming space.
Gain tools, skills and ideas from other group participants who are going through similar experiences.
Feel less alone on your journey to be your full authentic self.
Make connections that last beyond the group.

Coming out is a process, not a moment

Coming out later in life is rarely a single announcement. It tends to unfold in stages, often over years. Wherever you are in that process, there's room for you here.

Questioning

Naming it to yourself

Noticing feelings you may have set aside for a long time, and finding words that fit, or deciding you don't want or need to be labelled by yourself or others.

First conversations

Telling the people closest to you

Deciding who to tell, when and how, and making sense of how they respond.

Adjusting

Reshaping parts of your life

Changes to a marriage, parenting, home, faith or work, often with grief and relief arriving together.

Belonging

Finding where you fit

Friendship, dating and community where you can feel at home as yourself, at any age.

What people often bring to group

Most of what's written about coming out focuses on young people. Coming out later often means doing it with a whole life already in place: a marriage, children, a career, a faith community, longtime friends, and a town where people know you. Culture, faith, health, finances and where you live all shape what coming out looks like. These are some of the experiences people bring to group.

Within a marriage or long-term relationship

Loving your partner, and still knowing that something important has gone unsaid.
Wondering whether the relationship can change shape, or whether it may need to end.
Worrying about hurting someone you care about, alongside relief at finally naming it.

Children and grandchildren

Wondering how and when to tell children, young or grown, and how they'll take it.
Worrying about how their other parent will talk with them about it.
Thinking about family gatherings, holidays and grandchildren, and where you'll fit.

Parents, siblings, friends and faith

Deciding whether, and how, to come out to aging parents.
Belonging to a faith community or family tradition that may not have room for this part of you due to homophobia or transphobia embedded in its belief system.
Wanting to keep close relationships while being more honest about yourself.
Managing conflict and loss within existing relationships.

Small communities and social networks

In places like Nogojiwanong (Peterborough) and the Kawarthas, people often know you through work, clubs and teams, church, the kids' school or the grocery store, and news can travel quickly.
You may worry about being seen at a Pride event or queer gathering, or turning up on a dating app beside coworkers, clients or neighbours.
There may be few queer spaces nearby, and fewer people your age in them, so connection can mean driving to Toronto or looking online.
If your work depends on your standing in the community, coming out can feel like a professional risk as well as a personal one.

Questions from others, and from yourself

Hearing "Why now?", "Are you sure?" or "Can't you just keep it quiet, or just not act on it?" from people you love.
Asking yourself whether it's too late, or what you might have missed.
Feeling you need to have everything figured out before you say anything.

Grief and relief, side by side

Feeling lighter and more like yourself, while grieving the years before.
Mourning a future you had planned with someone.
Feeling guilt or sadness about how this affects people you love.

Finding where you fit

Not knowing where you belong when many queer spaces seem made for younger people.
Dating, and even making new friends, feeling new again.
Learning a language and community already familiar to many who came out at a younger age.
If you're trans or nonbinary, considering transition later in life, with questions about health care, work and family.

Inside yourself

Feeling as though you're living two lives.
Old messages about being queer or trans that still sit with you.
Stress showing up as poor sleep, irritability, exhaustion, more drinking or substance use, pulling away from people, or feeling isolated.

In the group, you will have the opportunity to…

Talk openly with others who understand coming out later in life.
Explore your identity at your own pace.
Think through conversations with a partner, children, family, friends or coworkers, and talk about how they went.
Consider what being out might look like in a smaller community, and what feels right for you.
Make room for both grief and relief.
Notice, and enjoy, the parts of you that are coming alive as you embrace your authentic self.
Build connections that can continue after the group ends.

Benefits of the small group format

With four participants, you'll have real time to speak in every session, and trust tends to build faster than in larger groups. You get the perspectives of several peers as well as the therapist. 2.5-hour sessions leave room to go deep within a single meeting, and because the group sets its own schedule, sessions can be arranged around work, family and parenting commitments. A set number of sessions gives a clear commitment from the start, with the option to keep going if the group wants to.

Confidential and affirming

Group psychotherapy is offered from a private practice. It's confidential, and it's a queer- and trans-affirming space. Group members agree to keep who attends, and what is shared, within the group.

Fees

Sessions are billed at $180 per session, and receipts will be provided to you for reimbursement from your benefits provider.

How to register

To register, use the Register Now button below and complete your registration. Please indicate that you are interested in the Coming Out Later in Life group, along with a short note about yourself and your interest in the group.

I will be in touch with you to discuss next steps.